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Updated: Jun 21, 2021

Relationships, the word itself causes either an adrenaline rush or is the pivotal reason behind such severe tension in the body which gets exhibited in the form of worries, stress, sleep disturbances and mood-related problems.

Romantic relationships serve as the mirror to our souls, our unconscious desires, our needs and also help us to delve into our beauty and insecurities. From the moment we were born on earth, we channelize our identities in the form of how we are treated, valued or behaved with, by others. We tend to believe that we are what we receive and achieve. And from there begins the hardship with our “self”. Our self concept is strutting enough to dwindle and deflect, until there comes a time when we take the call of our emotional intelligence, which discloses the harshest truth of our own conflicts and indicates us that we can be resilient enough to put a stop and ‘Move On to Our Happiness!’

Here are a few frequent maladaptive traits that we unknowingly inculcate within ourselves:

AGGRESSION: Both active and passive aggression hinders our personal growth, affects our relationship and knocks down our mental health.

Active aggression includes

  • Yelling in public places

  • Verbal abuse

  • Physical abuse

  • Destruction of objects

  • Raising hand

Passive aggression includes

  • Blocking

  • Stone-walling

  • Refusing to meet with responsibilities

  • Cold expressions and physical treatment

  • Negligence

  • Refusal to take calls or reply to messages or refusal to meet.

  • Making someone feel less important, constantly.

BLAME GAME: We often blame our partners for circumstances we thrive in, be it academically, officially or family wise. Our narcissistic traits compel us to believe that we are always the better one in the relationship, and the other person is the reason behind our failures.

BELITTLING ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Most of us have struggles to adapt to the fact that our partners are better off than us. This happens especially among couples of the same age group. We fail to understand that being of the same age or same profession can never mean that we are on the same page. Our insecurities and personal problems always make a strict point to focus on the personal gains and losses, restrict us from exploring ourselves and trying to reach the peak of contentment.

“The more we develop ourselves by exploring our potentials, the better we will be able to let our partners so high!”


Forgetting that if we stick to the first few chapters all our lives, we can never feel the essence of the entire book called ‘Life’.

It is purely true that there are certain chapters which we never wanted to flip over, but were too difficult to complete. There were certain chapters that were unnecessary too. But as no event can stop the ticking of our life’s clock, we cannot bring back or remain stuck with our past and forcibly drag it to join our present.

This accounts for past relationships, past failures, past traumas and others.

We can always lend an ear to our past, but we should not make it dictate our present to prevent it from ruining the future.

LEARNING & UNLEARNING: Our romantic relationships are in an ongoing process of self discovery and self analysis. Partners are trained similarly on certain grounds of cultural ethics, while on the other hand, both are nurtured very differently from each other based on the parenting they had, situations they were thrown into to deal with, and last but the strongest of all: their very own perspective.

Therefore, we have to broaden our perspectives to unlearn what makes us toxic, and inculcate or learn what makes us unique.


Common reasons behind toxic traits:

  1. Authoritarian parenting

  2. Childhood/ adolescent trauma

  3. Experiences of being bullied or shamed/ rejected

  4. Lack of emotional and social intelligence

  5. Lack of empathy.

Things we can adopt to work on our toxicity:

  1. Practicing mindfulness, meditation and yoga.

  2. Seeking professional help after realizing that our toxic traits are harmful enough to harm our own social connection and cause us distress.

  3. Working in the present and being aware of everything around.

  4. Practicing hobbies that keep us motivated and brings us joy.

  5. Paying attention to the changes that we need to do in our behaviour.

Conclusion: Romantic Relationships are the most cherished as well as the most critical reward of adulthood, which can totally build us or break us. Our trust issues, belief system, habits and attitudes in life may change for the better or worse. We cannot have an impact on someone else, until and unless we have an impact on our own inner self. A person can be an inspiration or a motivation to look up to for others, only when the person becomes an inspiration to him/her, loves the journey covered so far and looks forward to the remaining journey with an everlasting zeal!

If you feel like you need to speak to a professional with regards to your mental health or relationships, write to us at or Book your Initial Consultation on

Written by- Debanwitta Kahali

Instagram Id- @yourstrulyfriday


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