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Updated: Jun 21, 2021


There will always be a time when we reach this junction in life I call “The Greatest Trial,” for that is the biggest test life would have for us. Through this phase, we either discover our true selves, or we realise that whoever we were, up until that point was nothing short of a facade.

Lately, I feel like I have reached this junction and my greatest trial has begun. Everyday, I’m exposed to new situations that challenge my perspective and all my views on life. I must admit though, it gets draining. It is really hard for me to wrap my head around the rapid change happening in the environment around me. There’s barely any time to sit down and introspect my own actions. If I pause and think, I find myself saying things I normally wouldn’t have said, and in a few situations, I find myself in places I wouldn’t usually go to. These novel experiences that life is exposing me to makes me feel very conscious and out of place. Must I add the guilt of leaving a few words unsaid?

But maybe, just maybe, life has something better, something bigger in store for me. Maybe, we can all find ourselves, only if we expose ourselves, or rather, life exposes us to situations where we understand who we're not. We may not necessarily know who we are, but the art of finding yourself lies in this very chaos of understanding who you’re not.

Chaos, contrary to popular belief, is beautiful. It’s only after a storm that a rainbow appears. And only after this chaos and whirlwind of emotions, we will truly discover our true self and our purpose. For that, all we have to do is to take one step at a time, one breath at a time - because no one knows how to deal with life either. You and I, we're in this constant battle to find ourselves each and every day. Maybe at the end of this road, we will finally break out of our cocoon and fly high into the sky like a beautiful butterfly, soaring- limitless, happy and free.

This painful surge of guilt, remorse, regret and sadness is necessary; the burdens we take will teach us something unbelievable about ourselves, and we will realise how all of us have, within us, the power to change the world. Transformation, hence, is the most vital, inevitable and beautiful period of our lives, and it is never a bad thing. We all, in fact, deserve to change. It is through change and constant feelings of discomfort and dilemma, that we find that spark within us.

During your transformation, you may feel like everything is falling apart but in reality, everything's coming together for you. You’re being pushed to evolve and get out of your comfort zone so that you can find, live and experience your true greatness. I ain’t an expert in this, but my heart sure does hope that tomorrow will be better, for all of us. That voice, that calls out to you, from deep within your soul? - LISTEN TO IT.

Transformation may feel like an ugly process. Chaos, destruction, scars, and pain have their own beauty - the beauty of lessons. The journey of life is way more beautiful than the destination. The process of finding our purpose is way more inspiring than the purpose itself.

All we have to do to find ourselves is to embrace change. Welcome it willingly, because you can’t run away from it anyway. I've only learnt who I’m not by trying to embrace the period of loneliness, grief, and detachment from the world. And yet, to this day, 6,935 days later, I am holding on to the hope of finding contentment and fulfilment in life.

Life is hard, I agree, but you and I - we’re here to make a difference! So we might as well explore the art of finding ourselves through the chaos! We can’t truly know who we really are, ‘cause we will never stop learning new things about ourselves everyday. All we must do is try to reach that peak of enlightenment - one step at a time.

The art of finding yourself rests in chaos and constant conflict. And surely, but slowly, we all, will find ourselves, one day at a time.

Chaya Thangalapalli

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