Trigger Warning- Rape, Abuse
You think your jar of anxieties, trauma, flashbacks can make my nights sleepless and with a moan of hopefulness, right?
Dear trauma and anxiety!
I hit the ball of my panic in your goal post, and as a result, you were so happy that I will degrade my mental and entire health kicking my nerves for over thinking. You were jolly that I would give up! Oh no! No! No!
You think your jar of anxieties, trauma, flashbacks can make my nights sleepless and with a moan of hopefulness, right? You think my head won't transform, you think I will sleep in the same room, playing the same monotonous game of hopelessness, letting dark thoughts enter, and planning to harm myself because this life is worthless. No!
Academic failures, taking drugs to feel free rape abuse for being innocent, torture because fat, unsuccessful marriage due to unemployment, and ugliness have made me vulnerable-an object. Oh! Stop it, I have to prove myself because that’s my territory to prove. But I don't have any hard complaints. As no criticism ever dare to knock my doors show me my failure graph because I am very observant of my experiences and all this ruckus will pave my strength not my failure.
I decided to propose my hope to love my art of soul deeper than any lover does...
I will love me, my soul, my body not my reflection in the mirror.
Can’t I plant the trees of my experience through my writing, everyday?
Can't I dance over nature's music for survival? Yes, my ears are for those musical murmurings. Pushing me to dance!
Can’t I clean the worms inside me through breathing. It means, “To breathe in and out through musical parameters but the breathing should be done without normal pattern”. (You can switch on to Osho meditation for more knowledge). Mop your room as well as your thoughts.
Why to let myself in this small well? I can explore more.
I can plan a resolution to help one person daily, bringing a smile on their face, as these world problems are too big to handle by myself! Let the bubbles of compassion come forth?
Can’t I allow myself to draw, paint or recycle the things, creativity are everywhere, all I need to do is just flip the page.
Can’t I plant any saplings or pamper my skin with natural products?
Can’t I cuddle my brain with new books and thoughts, learning new vocabulary?
Obviously I can adopt any street animals nurture them?
Regular exercise can also keep a doctor away.
Why not play new instruments?
Can’t I feel the fragrance of nature and freshness of sunrise and sunset? Let those nostrils and lazy eyes work now.
Photography, paragliding, feeling the water, playing with fish, visiting new temples and gaining knowledge from various books. I can! Obviously.
Trying old dresses of childhood reading past notebooks wow!
So, dear anxiety and trauma, I want to divorce you. And why can’t I? You are not my dear and near one, for me to kiss your head or cuddle you like a child.
And Hey! You are nothing in front of my God Hanuman, who has a strong physique and Gautam Buddha- like peace. Your appearance made many scientists, writers, psychologists, poets, counselors and volunteers visit your dramatic structure and letting new aspirants to flurry over. So, why should I remain that way?
I can be a better man, you get it?
From a bold human being, me!
Written by- Sunayana Kayastha
Your mental health matters as much as your physical health. Don't hesitate to take a step towards your mental well-being. If you’re looking at talking to a professional, book your Initial Consultation with us on https://www.themoodspace.com/freeconsultation or write to us at info@themoodspace.com. Take a step towards bettering your mental wellbeing because you deserve it!