An excerpt from All About Love by Bell Hooks states -
“As a society we are embarrassed by love. We treat it as if it were an obscenity. We reluctantly admit to it. Even saying the word makes us stumble and blush...Love is the most important thing in our loves, a passion which we would fight or die, and yet we’re reluctant to linger over its names. It is possible to speak with our hearts directly. However, in modern life we have become so busy with our daily affairs and thoughts that we have lost this essential art of taking time to converse with our heart. And this makes love the most important thing in our lives, a passion for which we would fight or die and yet we’re reluctant to linger over its name.”
Love guides our relationships. But here’s a quick question - What is love? And most importantly what is a relationship? Love and relationship are complex, abstract and subjective terms. What love might mean for you, might not mean the same for others and likewise for relationships. Now that you have written down/thought of your definition of the above terms, you might notice that oftentimes love and relationship comprise of words like “compromise”, “adjustment”, “understanding”, “respect”, etc.
Ever wondered how the love in olden time continues to remain lively and exist as solid gold despite the limitations back then? Well, the secret is staying true to the essential elements of a relationship that do justice to the word “love.” These elements include trust, transparency, open and honest communication, sense of humor that keeps the lightness alive, commitment to confront and ride through the challenges and a sense of respect for each other. Research highlights that there has been an alarming increase in the number of partners who are separated or divorced in the last 10-12 years. Majority of the time, the core reason for the split is differences in the value systems that guide the foundation of these essential elements.
Connection gives us wings. For any relationship to thrive, quality and collaborative connection between partners in four domains is crucial. The first is spiritual connectedness that focuses on emotional safety and security - a space where you feel liberated and free in a relationship. The second is emotional connect that focuses on emotional validation, feelings of belongingness and acceptance coupled with mind-body alignment with your partner. The third domain is intellectual connect that offers a learning space where both the partners can express their thoughts, opinions and ideas in a growth-oriented and explorative space. Lastly, the fourth and one of the most important domains is physical connection - the need for intimacy.
Due fall outs in these connections, distance often sets in between partners. But the question that now comes up is - are these fall outs repairable? Can we reverse the damage caused to our relationships? The answer is, yes! Marriage and couples therapy can certainly help you with this process of fixing your relationship.
The focus of these sessions is to identify the details about what is happening inside or between the partners in the session. The focus is more on the person’s emotional process versus the actions. The sessions focus on the present process, the process of putting the emotions together and the process of interaction. The therapist is a mediator who guides this process by clarifying the message, creating enactments, and setting up an assertive and authentic tone of interaction. Couples therapy lays emphasis on looking at the whole while studying the patterns that emerge between the partners, de-escalating the negative cycle, understanding the concerns from an attachment and bonding perspective and delving deeper into knowing what is making them feel the distance. The end goal of any couples/marriage therapy is seeing the patterns the partners are caught in and reframing the relationship by restructuring conversations and attachments.
Take the first step towards bettering your relationship and let us help you revive your relationship. At The Mood Space, with a team of experienced professionals will allow couples to discuss their issues in a safe space as our therapists guide you in discovering these patterns to create a secure and a thriving relationship. Don’t fall in love, but instead rise in love with assistance from The Mood Space! Sign up for an initial consultation today at www.themoodspace.com!
Written by - Vishwa Modi (Psychotherapist at The Mood Space)