Updated: Jun 14, 2021
But with me, when anger surfaces I'm unable to express it. I hold on to it like a warm cup of tea on a cold winter morning, nursing it. My displaced sense of ethics and values of life does not allow me to let go of anger and, it just simmers inside me.
I read this quote somewhere and it has remained in the quotes compartment of my brain for posterity.
"You actually made yourself angry because of the way you perceived the situation or because of how you chose to respond to it".
In my dictionary of emotions, anger is a healthy emotion. Most of us feel it on and off the rest are constantly bogged down by it. Our behavior, the choice of words, our body language, and the consequence that we face because of anger is what makes it a negative or ugly emotion.
All around me, I see people expressing their anger, speaking out, showcasing their aggressive side, unabashedly throwing things, breaking things, using the choicest of abusive and derogatory words and, then moving on in life unfazed. But with me, when anger surfaces I'm unable to express it. I hold on to it like a warm cup of tea on a cold winter morning, nursing it. My displaced sense of ethics and values of life does not allow me to let go of anger and, it just simmers inside me. When it does come up, all hell breaks loose. I don't scream or shout..hmm maybe sometimes but, most of my anger is expressed by shutting down communication - verbal and non-verbal & my body language is stiff and unapproachable.
While studying to become a counselor, I chanced upon an interesting article describing different forms of anger from antiloneliness.com.
Probably this narration and share can help you identify the type of anger you practice.
So, here goes the many faces of anger.
The Pleaser
They never express their anger, as they consider it selfish and unkind.
They find fault in themselves if they feel angry.
They protect others by taking the blame.
By suppressing their anger, they end up with a lot of resentment, then an explosion of anger, and then guilt.
The Passive-aggressive
They express anger in subtle ways, non-verbal ways (facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, eye contact) which they purposely indulge in.
When asked what is wrong? They respond with "Nothing". Rings a bell?
The people around them always feel that they need to tiptoe around them.
The Bully
Their judging mode is always on & they are strict with others. You will constantly hear them say - you are not doing things right or you are not good enough. Threats, yelling, putting people down is second nature to them.
Their anger is a distraction from their inner critic. They find it easy to focus on someone else's mistakes other than their own.
People are intimidated and most times avoid them, making them lonely beings.
The Self Soother