YOU matter, not because of what you have or what you do, but because you exist.
Silence is heard the loudest, yet goes unnoticed. Has it ever happened that you want to share something with someone and when you try to go and talk to that person, they are not willing to listen or are least bothered? Well, how do you feel? If these instances keep happening to you recurringly, you must not ignore them. These can potentially become the signs of emotional abuse. Every habit of ours and our response to different experiences trace back to our childhood memories and upbringing. Who says that violence can only have one form? Physical abuse is surely a traumatic experience that one has to go through or witness. Similarly, silent treatment and neglect can have consequences too. Just because we don’t correspond to its alarming situation, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. This is essentially the reason half of the people are unable to identify that an individual is going through something which can be more dangerous than we can think of. Everything “appears” to be normal at first glance, and we feel that this is how the individual interacts daily. But is that really true?
As a child, we always look forward to that one place to come back to where we can talk about anything and do anything we wish to. However, not everyone gets the privilege to find that place. Children’s foremost source of sharing something is their parents. But, what happens if their parents are either divorced or too busy to pay attention to the child’s needs? The intimate relationship between the parents and child is naturally affected and has its consequences in the future. Whenever we refer to the term “disturbed childhood” or “not so pleasant childhood”, it is often assumed that either the child is coming from a traumatic experience or has been the sufferer of any form of physical abuse. However, this may not be true every time. Surely, it can be one of the potential reasons, but it can never be certain. The child who gets the luxury of secured attachment may turn out to be better than the child who has had a dismissive-avoidant attachment. We often say that people learn and grasp the information maximum when they were children. The experiences and habits create an imprint in their minds. Of course, these will include some pleasant as well as some harsh experiences. If they are not given the care and love that they deserve, or they ask for, chances are the child will go into denial when they grow and will also face difficulties maintaining relationships with people in the future. It can be really difficult for the person to be in a situation, where they are in constant fear of rejection, hurt, or that someone might leave them. The person will always believe that something is wrong with oneself and have self-doubt. These feelings and thoughts are often driven by the experiences they faced when they were a child. When the child is not given the validation it seeks, it often leads to neglect that causes the child to eventually move into the zone of silence. However, this doesn’t mean that the children who have had a secured childhood may not come across such a thing. Neglect and feeling of missing out can occur at any stage of life, even in adulthood. Instances like-
Indulging in short-term relationships,
Overly needy codependency,
Moving on too quickly,
Pushing away from the people who actually regard the individual positively
are signs of fear and neglect.
The individual ends the relationship too soon thinking that they should end it before the other person does. This fear of constant rejection induces such activities. If their childhood has not been so pleasant, they try to seek validation in the future from people who are good to them. However, because they rely on the other person so much for their emotional needs, it naturally pushes them away. The insecure attachment styles in childhood produce such patterns of behavior in the individual. They move on too quickly and don’t give that time for the heart or the brain to process things of what just happened. They try to escape the reality of the emotions that they are experiencing because they don’t want to end up being hurt. Similarly, when they are upset or sad, they try to get aggressive or reactive. All these patterns of behavior are the result of the early experiences that can either be neglect in childhood or parents leaving the child or heartbreaks or when the individual was taken advantage of and kept in a volatile situation. All of these instances are the root cause of neglect and abandonment that can lead to isolation and depression in the later stage of the individual’s life.
Therefore, it becomes very necessary now more than ever before to have communication with people around you no matter what. They should have that feeling of safe space to open up and talk about their issues. If one can identify that it is a sign of neglect or emotional abuse, seeking help from a mental health professional should be done immediately. That feeling of hesitation is what we want to eliminate from society and create a sense of trust or hope that we all look for.
Silence should NEVER be ignored. It deserves equal attention as other forms of abuse do. Emotional abuse is not a joke and MUST not be ignored. It is okay to feel the way we do but don’t create a situation for the individual where they are forced to doubt themselves or their worth.
YOU matter, not because of what you have or what you do, but because you exist. You add value to the lives of many people by just being in it.
YOU are never alone. Written By - Vasudha Ramani
Your mental health matters as much as your physical health. Don't hesitate to take a step towards your mental well-being. If you’re looking at talking to a professional, book your Initial Consultation with us on https://www.themoodspace.com/freeconsultation or write to us at info@themoodspace.com. Take a step towards bettering your mental wellbeing because you deserve it!