Updated: Jun 18, 2021
The Indic scriptures state that marriage is one of the most profound experiences of human life. The vivāha samsara is understood as a sacrament and a purificatory ritual that allows a couple to enter the gr̥hastha-āśrama or the stage of a householder in order to pursue dharma, artha, kāma, and mokṣa. It is a sacred bond standing on the three pillars of rati (desire), dharma (duty), and prajā (progeny).
Having said that, in today’s time and age, is marriage itself not ambitious? A fulfilling relationship includes two people who must invest in their own development just as much as in a relationship. So, is it not ambitious enough to find such partners that are ready to transform themselves in order to make a marriage work perfectly?
We all know that the only relationships that last are those that evolve with time, situations and circumstances. When a partner feels low or unhappy, the easiest way for him or her is to blame the other for the downfall of the relationship that has bound them together. Partners need to prioritize their needs and goals to make their marriage work better, more importantly, they need to keep up to those promises with passing time. Most issues in a marriage start with firstly taking each other for granted and secondly showing lack of respect towards each other’s decisions, especially in front of family and friends.
It is not very difficult to manage a wholesome relationship with one’s spouse. Having managed 28 years of married life with three kids in a joint family, I have learnt to get my priorities straight. Listed are some of my pointers that will for sure help you make your marriage and your ambitions co-exist:
1. Never dismiss or undervalue your partner's needs at any point in time. Be there for each other, cultivate the habit of listening to each other with 100% attention.
2. Remember that even before you met each other, you both had dreams and goals that you wished to accomplish. Now that you are together, you must make an attempt to help your partner achieve these goals. All you really need from each other is to talk, be open and share your dreams to accomplish a strong sense of understanding and empathy in the marriage.
3. Support your partner's point as much as possible. And in case you don't agree, instead of criticizing, look for a possible solution to the situation and work together to get things done.
4. Allow your partner to be who they are. Remember you chose them exactly for what you saw in them then. Allow the changes that you wish to see in them come by organically. The bond that you grow in this process will keep you together without any ego of false pride.
5. Develop mutual trust. You will only see your partner as well as you see yourself. Hence, learn to give each other space so as to pursue personal interests. Growing separately and doing things individually does not mean you are growing apart- in fact, your marriage will turn itself around and you will discover deep friendship in this relationship once you allow this freedom.
6. Learn to physically be there for each other. Share household chores, spend time identifying each other’s strengths in order to manage home, finances, children, school work, shopping and other social responsibilities.